This is a title stolen cheekily from my buddy and cocktail writer extraordinaire. He wrote a blog post of this title with a video showing a lady make an abomination of a Mint Julep, then posted a video on how to make one properly. View the blog post and videos here.

This mocktail is also definitely not a Mint Julep (hence why I think the title's funny).... but it IS delicious! I drank it first this this morning after making it, and it is super duper refreshing, and a great start to the day:)

*By the way- I'm making an exception to my 'no added sugar' rule, as you need the sugar to carry the mint flavor....this will be an infrequent exception.

'Sorry, lady, but that is definitely not a Mint Julep'

Mint Granita* See recipe below- you'll need this entire batch for a standard julep cup
Pineapple                2
Celery                      2
Mint leaves              8-10

Prepare Granita as below. Place mint leaves in the bottom of a Julep cup and muddle, pressing gently. Add juice, and granita on top. Stir when cup is 3/4 full to frost the cup, then cap the granita into a snow cone shape. Sprinkle granita on top, like you would salt food (using your fingers.) Garnish with Cilantro sprigs (no leaves)'s nice to nibble these as you drink. Also, though there is no straw in the first photo, you need one to properly enjoy this drink. Get badass metal julep straws from Cocktail Kingdom here.

*Granita recipe and visual inspiration taken from Dabbous the Cookbook. I paraphrase here a bit and add my own thoughts.

Mint                      150 grams
Water                    500 ml
Salt                         2 grams
Caster sugar      40 grams
Spinach               50 grams

Divide mint between 2 bowls. Bruise mint in one bowl, bring salt/water/sugar to a boil, pour over bruised mint and cover with cling film for 10 min. Strain through a chinois- press down well.

Bruise mint in a second bowl and pour mint liquid over it. (I let it sit for another 10 min), and strain as before. Transfer to a blender and add spinach. Blend for 3 seconds. Strain again, and pour into a shallow dish or sheet pan and place in freezer. Once frozen scrape with spoon or fork to separate ice crystals. (I had more success scraping with a spoon and mashing with a fork.)

If you want to make larger quantities, scrape granita from pan and place in a quart container, cover, and store in the freezer.